Third Culture Kids: The Experience of Growing Up Among Worlds – Book Review

While reading Third Culture Kids: The Experience of Growing Up Among Worlds by David Pollock and Ruth Van Reken, I found that I had many similarities to a third culture kid, even though I am not one by definition.

In short the book defines a third culture kid (TCK) as

a person who has spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside the parents’ culture. The TCK frequently builds relationships to all of the cultures, while not having full ownership in any. Although elements from each culture may be assimilated into the TCK’s life experience, the sense of belonging is in relationship to others of similar background.

As I was reading, I discovered a lot about myself and tried to discern why I felt strangely connected to TCK’s. Was it because I travelled a lot as a child and experienced different cultures and subcultures? Was it the subculture of conservative Mennonites, which I came out of that made me feel as if I was a TCK? Or was I just imagining how my children will feel growing up as true TCK’s? All-in-all, I don’t know if it was one of those factors or all of them mixed together, but I was able to strongly identify with the thoughts and feelings the book portrayed as natural to a TCK.

The authors of this book wanted to have an overview of all types of TCK’s. This included those who are TCK’s through adoption, or those who grow up in a subculture that is significantly different than the main culture of their passport country. I think it is very important that they took these factors and others into consideration.

Some points that I found especially useful in the book are as follows:

•          TCK’s can all identify with one another, despite the differences in the culture they grew up. Most TCK’s identify with the feeling of never quite fitting in to their passport culture, but also never fitting into the culture they live in. They are between worlds, and that is what they have in common.
•          When a TCK enters a new culture, it is important that they have a mentor who can show them how to operate well in the new place.
•          It is important to allow a TCK to grieve the loss of their old culture when they move to a new place. As a parent, one can comfort the child and even share their own sadness about leaving, which validates the child’s grief and shows them it is okay to grieve.
•          TCK’s can often seem unpatriotic or arrogant to their fellow citizens. This is because they often have been able to interact with people of more cultures and have a different worldview. They may feel torn between loyalties to their passport country and their country of residence.
•          Parents must allow and help facilitate children to learn at least one language deeply enough to think in that language.
•          Children need to come to a place where they understand who God is on their own, and not because they have been in a culture that tells them how to think about God.

 This book was very useful and I would have to say that the only qualm I had with it was that it began to get repetitive after the 5^th or 6^th chapter. I felt as if the authors did not have new insights, and I started to get bored with it. This is not to say that the entire book after those chapters was a draw, but I felt as if they could have been condensed.

I would recommend this book to any child of an expatriate and to parents raising their kids in a country that is not their passport country. As a soon to be parent of TCK’s, I found the information to be very useful. I also gained a lot of insight into the things my children will be thinking and feeling simply because they are growing up in a culture that is separate from their passport country. 

Aliya